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Deciding to "go boho" earlier this year has proven to be one of the best decisions I have made for my life.
Though it started as a way to look at myself differently and to portray myself as the more free-spirited person I felt was trapped under so much weight built from a lack of self-confidence and self-worth, it has become so much more than I ever thought.
In seeking to strengthen my spiritual bond with God, I have begun focusing on how I can discern His voice through prayer and meditation.
In my quiet time today, I found myself in Matthew 6, and had the verse reverberating through my head over and over again:
"Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about its own things. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble."
- Matthew 6:24
Immediately I felt a sense of being released from bondage.
Nearly every decision I have made as an adult (from my graduate education to my hair regimen) has been made without sufficient guidance from God AND has focused solely on what will happen in the future.
I have always thought of myself as a planner, and when my plans don't pan out, I feel like a failure. But am I not setting myself up to fail?
Why am I constraining myself to do something 6 months from now when my life changes every minute of everyday?
And those minutes are passing by. And I won't get them back.
As of now, I am completely scrapping every plan I have made for myself from my hair to my eating to my job, and I am going to wait upon the voice of God to clarify my focus each day.
Naturally, this is against every inclination I have ever had (and could prove to be extremely hazardous as a teacher!), but I am trusting that God will guide me through my days from now on. That is something I have never done because a lack of control is one of my greatest struggles and fears.
Moreover, I am someone who has always valued goals, and reaching them has always provided me with a sense of success. It isn't until now that I have realized, however, that I have failed to reach every single one of the goals that I set for myself in the past few years. All of my successes have largely been attributed to unforeseen blessings God has bestowed upon me and hasn't involved my intricate and detailed planning in the least.
Moreover, I am someone who has always valued goals, and reaching them has always provided me with a sense of success. It isn't until now that I have realized, however, that I have failed to reach every single one of the goals that I set for myself in the past few years. All of my successes have largely been attributed to unforeseen blessings God has bestowed upon me and hasn't involved my intricate and detailed planning in the least.
It felt weird to admit that I never talked to God about the small day-to-day things because I didn't want to be a burden to Him, but I have since realized that saving up all of my prayers for one or two big things has put me in a position to feel like God is not listening to me. But not trusting Him for the small things means I have no practice with listening out for His voice for those big things because I have not sought His voice everyday.
I know that I need to hear everyday.
My spirit feels lighter and freer with the knowledge that I can trust God with my days.
